Happy 2012!! Spent the turn of the year showering and mosturising myself, aren't I such a rebel ;D

New Years seem to lose their sheen much faster than birthdays as I get older. I used to go into overdrive doing all these "superstitious" things to make for a smooth and clutter-free new year, like making sure to clean my room, wash my hair, wearing fresh clothes right before the 1st of January and... OH MY FUCK THERE'S A GIANT COCKROACH IN MY ROOM. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I SERIOUSLY JUST LOOKED AROUND MY ROOM AND SAW THE BIGGEST COCKROACH I HAVE EVER SEEN ON THE GROUND NEAR MY BOOKSHELF. FMLFMLFML HAPPY 2012 TO ME INDEED. Omg getting cold shivers right now. Cold sweat. Arghhhhhhhhhhh. I haven't even been eating in my room lately *looks in bin* Oh wait, biscuit wrappers... >.<

Haha well, guess there's a reason why every other year I used to thoroughly clean out my room then. If I've learnt anything from this, then I've learnt that superstitions always come around for a reason. I wonder how I'll learn my lesson about the importance of new years resolutions, given that I haven't made a single one this year.

I'm inclined to feel that 2011 was a particularly eventful year, both naturally and economically/politically/socially. Major tsunamis, earthquakes, floods seemed to appear on tv every month or so at least. And then we had the whole Europe debacle (I wonder what major devep -

Okay back now. The cockroach went behind my bookshelf and I thought all was well for the time being, but then it decided to crawl out again and started making its way up my wall like 1.5m to the left of where I was sitting! Faced with such a huge creepy bug intent on making war, what else could I do but yell for my dad. Parents both came out and were none to pleased with my *ahem* courage. Well at least I have nothing more to fear... for now...

Anyway as I was saying, wonder what developments will  happen with the "European situation" in 2012. The Middle East was also particularly eventful in the past year and I'd like to think the 2011 that I lived through will gain a prominent place in the future history books. I personally think one of the most newsworthy events of 2011 was the death of Kim Jong-Il. It just really seemed to strike a perfect balance of global significance and media speculation. It concerned a very famous person, but certainly didn't have the feel of a paparazzi field day that things like the royal (Will and Kate) wedding did.

As for me, since my last entry I've pretty much been sitting around at home, alternately job hunting and watching dramas. I've finally found a job!! Maccas, and though I probably seem a bit old for that, I'm grateful for what I'vce got. My first "shift" was yesterday, but boy after all that cockroach drama I think I'll talk about it some other time =]

I wonder how many days/weeks/months it'll be into 2011 before my next entry...

So, about time I blogged. I've just been spending the almost-three weeks since my last exam just lounging around at home and getting fat and lazy (not that I wasn't already those things) and I hate myself every time I think about it. I want a job!!! *wails*
I honestly don't get it. How can something so simple in theory elude me? A simple job at KFC or Woolies. I've lost track of how many applications I've sent out, and not a single reply! Is there something wrong with my gmail account?! Okay, I understand if some place like Swarovski doesn't reply, because who am I kidding, I have no retail experience whatsoever. But if I can't even get a job that pays probably something like $12 an hour doesn't want me, maybe I should just give up hope =.=" I wonder how much I'll weigh by the time uni starts again...

Anyway, during this time I've just been doing my usual post-exam drama-ing. Actually I started this Mainland drama called Bu Bu Jing Xin during exams (hehe) which I got so addicted to. You know I'm a sucker for those palace-set series that sometimes put on a facade of being serious but are actually approached with a modern mindset. This one was kind of like a grown-up version of Huan Zhu Ge Ge and managed to succeed in holding onto my attention. With a lot of dramas I get a bit tired of them and lose interest partway through and put it on hold to watch something else for a while. And sometimes I just forget about them and never go back to them despite how promising they appeared in the beginning (like Mary Stayed Out All Night - God that got pretty terrible).
But BBJX took me on one hell of a ride. It just got better and better (and simultaneously worse and worse - I cried my eyes out through the whole second last episode). Being largely a kdrama follower, watching a cdrama for once felt pretty damn refreshing. One thing I particularly appreciated was the different take on sensationalism. Both types of dramas are, well, dramatic in their own way, but I appreciated now BBJX did not feel the need to end each episode with a cliffhanger, the way kdramas do. It seems as though kdrama producers can't help but end each episode with a kiss/almost kiss/shocking discovery/death/dangerous accident, and it's beginning to seem rather juvenile. It's nice to just have episodes end naturally for once, as Chinese dramas do. Obviously a fast-paced, dramatic show is good, but there's only so much I can take!

I got so attached to BBJX that I spent the next few days trying to search up similar dramas, to no avail, and reverted back to kdramas again. Luckily Myung-Wol the Spy was not to much of a let-down, and had a fresh, interesting premise. But if there's one (other) thing wrong with kdramas, it's that they have such long episodes. And while MWTS started off really well, they just started going round in circles, what with the "OMG he's going to find out she's a spy" "no wait maybe not" "THIS TIME FOR SURE" "Oh, false alarm". Wanting a break again, I turned to LOCH2008. As forever faithful to the '80s version as I am, I missed the story of LOCH and felt that I probably shouldn't watch the '83 version a 3rd time in 3 years.

In watching LOCH2008, I had a lot of comments in my mind. At first, it was really - and I mean extremely - hard to get used to the amount of CGI used. The amount of physical contact involved in fighting has been reduced by at least three quarters between the '83 version and this version. Of course this means routines no longer need so much choreographing, which I feel is a shame because I would very much like these pretty idols to gain my respect through something other than their looks. Though it is true that with China's huge population, the directors have access to... shall we say, a different type of cast, appearance wise. The cast of LOCH2008 surely has an average height 10cm taller than that of LOCH1983. The women are taller and willowier, and the men... well, height-wise I the main characters of both series were generally equal. Similarly, the geographical expanse of China allows a larger variety (and I daresay accuracy) in terms of backdrops/filming locations.

I decided on this mainland version of LOCH because I heard the Huang Rong in the previous version (I think it was 2000 or 2003?) was pretty emotionless and boring. Ariel Lin as Huang Rong was... passable, I suppose. She still doesn't beat HK's Barbara Yung, who was lovable but also did justice to HR's deep intelligence. I know HR was probably only supposed to be maybe 16/17 and therefore still behaves like a child sometimes, but Ariel was just a tad too whiny, and whoever voiced her (I hear most actors don't voice themselves) gave her this awful Tweety-Bird-sounding voice. Barbara also better portrayed HR's status as Dong Xie's daughter and therefore her often unreasonable, "screw you" attitude.
Also, is it just be or does Ariel Lin have a weird shaped mouth? Her lips are almost round, and doesn't have that very feminine bow-shaped upper lip at all.

As for the male lead, Hu Ge's Guo Jing was frustratingly stupid. I mean, yes he's supposed to be slow of mind but it just seemed like he had no understanding of human nature at all. The development of his character was uneven, and through the whole series whoever voiced him gave him this almost petulant, childish sounding voice unbefitting of a hero. At the beginning, maybe, but he should have lost it fast as he gained maturity as a result of his adventures. 

A large part of my problem with GJ originates from the plot itself, in that his unwavering belief in the goodness of Yang Kang becomes extremely tenuous. In this version of LOCH, Yang Kang has more screen time and undergoes more character development, showing his insecurities due to his parents and his jealousy of GJ/desire to be powerful. While fleshing out a character can only be a good thing, I think what they did with YK went a bit too far. They kept going round in circles with the whole "where does YK's loyalties lie" thing and even called into question his love towards Mu Nianci. In the '83 version, the thing that made this secondary romance compelling was that although YK was a bad guy, it was clear that MNC was always of great importance to him. But in LOCH08, he was excessively indecisive, first treating her like dirt, then being such a dear husbandly figure, then leaving her, and using her and... Oh God, all I can say is that portrayal of MNC was downright demeaning to women. I know she's a character who was blinded by love, but she really compromised her integrity in an unacceptable way and any resistance she put up was merely nominal. She didn't even seem to try, dammit. What a terrible character. They tried to portray her as a martyr, or at least a victim, but she turned out more like a dummy.
Oh yes, and back to YK. What is this crappy fan-service ending where he and MNC live as a family before he goes and dies with no regrets?! Having been so crafty and power-hungry for the whole series, he experiences one loss and he's suddenly seen the light for good? I don't buy it. Don't tell me after all this deception and backstabbing, he still gets hero treatment when it comes to his death.

In the end, I can definitely say LOCH08 wasn't as compelling as LOCH83 was. The main characters all came across as too bratty and this took away from the inherent epic-ness of the story. At the beginning, it was hard to find my feet in the story because of the excessive use of flashbacks. Instead using time to tell a story, like how GJ went to Mongolia in the first place and grew up there, they jump to him having grown up already and then wasting time on all this lovey dovey crap. If I want to watch cute couply stuff then I'll watch kdramas! Or myself (nah jokes =P)

Oh but one character that I think LOCH08 turned around quite successfully was Ouyang Ke. They turned him into quite a gentleman, only such a flirt because he always felt ignored by his parents. None of this raping business. He certainly beat YK in the "deserve MNC" stakes, actually being sincerely touched by her rather than doing all this rash stuff, and cared about her opinions. He ended up being one of the more likeable male characters of the lot - with both brains and ability, calculating and smooth.

Okay enough on that. What else has happened in the months since I last blogged? Oh yeah, I never properly blogged about Shanghai. But that's so long ago now, I'll just let the pictures tell the story. Ahh, good, humid, delicious times...

One thing I've been trying to figure out is the relationship between population and the ease of finding love. Suppose every person in a given "population" has one other half in the same "population". So, if the population is large, does that mean it's easier to find this other half because there are more people to choose from? Or does it mean that it's harder to find "the one" among all these people? Questions, questions...

Oh yes, and in case I forgot to point this out: First year of uni OVER!!!

So, I'm driven to despair. FInally. Looking back, it's always seems like I've lived a charmed life, having good friends whom I don't ever remember having major arguments with, always being fun and games and banter. And then this mess of boyfriends came and it makes me question all that I ever had in the company of girls only.

I've wanted to turn back the clock more than a few times but if I had only one go, I'd choose now. Turn back all the misunderstandings. None of my words were ever meant to hurt them, or prove myself to be better than them on a deep level. Challenge them, perhaps, to see things from a different angle, or think of things that they may not have thought of before.

To be totally honest, I'd rather have my bag snatched all over again. or even non-fatally beaten up or something, than go through this again. It's like walking the line between knowing you should apologise (but it feeling funny because I've never had to apologise like this before) and wanting to defend yourself (because I've never been faced with such situations to respond to either, so how am I supposed to know what to act? I'm just a young, naive airhead). Maybe if I weren't crying so much I'd have the feistiness to explain myself.

Someone once told me that when you're in a relationship, your emotions get multiplied a hundred times. I wonder if the pain of ending a four/five month relationship hurts as much as the possibility of having to turn your back from a six-year-old friendship. For the -friend- involved... the relationship trumps all. In this case, I guess I've finally realised that when the relationship comes along, the friend moh daing kei. This literally translates to "(has) no room to stand", meaning that something/someone comes along that pushes you out of your original position. You feel kind of usurpsed, kind of abandoned (here come the tears again), generally unwanted... Yet as a "friend" (for now, at least), can you really say anything? Vocalising it will just make you seem petty, insecure and selfish. Won't it just precipitate and cement the closing-up/phasing-out of the friendship? 

Actually, from the beginning of my relationship, I told myself that in case of a conflict between the boyfriend and the old friend(s), the friends would always come first. Because while the boyfriend can make you lose your senses, the friends will always be there by your side, reliable, right? (sob) I'm more realistic than to place all my eggs in a man's basket, righ? But how can I resist the when relationship is so welcoming and the friends so easily begrudge you?

The question that begs to be asked now is, should I walk away? Turn my back on the 6-year-old friendship and put the whole conflict behind me so it doesn't drag me down? Is this cowardly, or just recognising a lost cause when I see one? For one, I'm sorry that my words were interpreted in such a way that caused hurt feelings. It seems that my willingness to communicate doesn't make for a good friendship once the friend gets a boyfriend. *Nostalgia* But secondly, and in my mind this is the most vital reason of all, if the friendship really has expired and she's moved onto the greener pastures of a functional relationship, then wouldn't it be more gracious of me to bow out now? I've spoken, and now I should forever hold my peace? My last task before officially moving my boyfriend onto the same rank (or even above) that of my friends will be to let go of this friendship Obliviate.

In short, everything I said and did was in best intentions. If anyone is to blame, then I'd blame myself for believing that as long as you have good intentions then friends will not take offence.

Eleven tissues, one blog entry. I feel a lot better now. I even feel like giving up won't be that hard, despite the instinct to hold on. All the fun times and good conversations we had will be slowly wiped from my mind. Sorry I didn't blog about Shanghai and the bag snatching - I wasn't really in the mood for it. My nose feels like I've just been sick all over again.

Hello, just a short notice to inform you that yes, I'm back from Shanghai and have been for three weeks now. I really shohuld have written this entry sooner after touchdown but I've been quite sick. Okay fine so that didn't really stop me from doing other things on the internet (namely watching dramas) but whatever. I hadn't felt so sick in a long time - I swear every time I was on the verge of getting better, I would relapse and start hacking my lungs otu again. I relapsed two or three times, which meant sem 2 got off to a pretty bad start =/

So I finished watching the TVB drama Only You, which, despite it's lame title and opening song, was a pretty decent drama. It explored a variety of relationship issues like cross-cultural relationships, feeling not good enough for the other person, dominance/control in the relationship and stuff like that. I think I can safely say that even if I were still single I would still have found the concept quite fresh. Not that the show made me really reflect on my own relationship, but still.

Anyhow now I'm watching CIty Hunter, which is absolutely AMAZING!! I've never been a Lee Min-Ho fan but he is excellent here, comic yet sharp and not sappy. This is one of those dramas where there's a good balance between chemistry and a solid, stimulating plot instead of just teenage angst for 20+ hours.

Simultaneously I'm altering my formal dress from last year so that hopefully it won't fall down as easily as it did last time I wore it. Perhaps being sick made my person even more compact than previously, or perhaps wearing it and washing it just made the dress stretch. This is all because I'm going to the law ball tomorrow with Andrew (zomg tickets were so expensive, $130 for non-law students). It seems like it's been ages since I last had to dress up, and I must admit I'm not as hyped up about it as I was last time. I guess now that I don't have a uniform, putting together an outfit (for any occasion, formal or otherwise) starts becoming rather tedious.
Grah I still haven't gotten contacts, I'm going to have to take off my glasses ever time I want to wear my Venetian mask (theme is Venetian masquerade, fyi). Damn I keep putting off getting contacts. Likewise with getting my licence and tax file number. My transition from glasses-wearing girl to contacts-wearing adult complete with licence and ability to get a job has pretty much never happened.

That's all for now, I'll probably talk more about Shanghai next time (if I can still remember it - the memories are drifting away already, and the whole trip passed in a blur anyway). I effectively have one thing to study for/due every week starting from next week so I might be a bit tight on time...

Guess what I did today! I fully cleaned my first ever bathroom! Haha no I haven't gotten a job as a public restroom cleaner (I have been feeling like getting a job lately but I'm not that deperate for money). My mum is going to Moree for six months starting from July for her GP training, which means that like it or not, I'm going to (finally) have to start doing chores. Well, about time I suppose. I've had it incredibly easy for the first 18 years of my life. Back in junior French when we were learning how to say how we helped around the house, I never had much to contribute.

My mum has somehow managed to link my new willingness to help out with Andrew. This allegation, might I clarify, is downright preposterous. My recent enthusiasm for housework can be attributed only to post-exam euphoria. Unlike during the HSC, I can no longer stare at a screen for 6 hours straight a day, day after day.

I admit that after getting a boyfriend, try as you might, it's impossible to contain its influence on your life (I use "it" because I'm talking about the very fact that you have a boyfriend, not necessarily the boyfriend himself). I mean, invasion of thoughts aside, especially at the beginning, it also invades your clothes, your house, your towels, your mugs... He's hugged you? Omg, the clothes you were wearing. And when he comes to your house (now that's not an occasion I'm forgetting any time soon. Angry dad at 1am, anybody?), the watch out, 'cause your towel, your mug, they're all getting it.

Okay, so the effect is really starting to wear off now, but this is one rant I've been meaning to do for a while.

BIG NEWS!!! Non-relationship-related, too! (I have a feeling people are getting kind of sick of all the bf-talk, I actually do have a life outside of my relationship as well). I got a new phone!!! It's a HTC Incredible S - some people say it's unfortunately named since it sounds rather like "Incredible Ass", but that never occured to me at all. 'Cause my mind's clean like that (H).
After all those years of making do with a brick... this is so awesome ^^ Camera, games, a plan that lets me call and text for free other Virgins...

... with words, that is. It took me a failed Management exam to realise the extent to which the elimination of leisure reading and dependence on Asian dramas has ruined my vocabulary and ability to speak essay-language, especially in high-stress situations.
I don't know if it's the nostalgia or what, but the way I remember it, during the HSC I spewed essay-speak like a boss (H). Where has that gone now?? Since year 12 I've always been a little worried that my focus on learning foreign languages might be detrimental to my English skills, but never before have I felt that there is such cause for concern. Get this: in an hour and a half, I wrote 4.5 pages of complete and utter unstructured crap for 80 marks.

Okay whatever, whatever, it's over now. I swear that was more stressful than the HSC, at least I didn't have three exams in three consecutive days for that... I ended up making brief notes on eight Mgmt topics in half a day, cramming relevant chapters of the textbook in bed and printing off the notes the morning before my exam to try and memorise in under two hours. By the time I walked into the exam, I felt like my head was about to explode. And I don't even remember feeling like that for HSC English, or Maths, or Chem. The adrenaline I had while I was cramming was simply unreal though. Nice to see I still have the "fight or flight" mechanism still intact in me.

As for the other exams, Micro I also sort of screwed up by choosing a shitty question to do and majorly ran out of time. Accounting and Stats were both very predictable and stuck very closely to the format and content of the practice questions/papers, something that I suspect will lead to a high course average. But meh, I walked out of there feeling pretty good so that's all that counts. I've never been one to walk out of exams early (I prefer sitting there and resting for the remaining time), but a fair number of people did.

Ergh okay msn is too busy tonight. I'll fill you in on what's happened since my last real blog entry later. Things like: meeting the parents, my birthday, my first all-nighter... hmm I swear more things have happened since then but I can't seem to remember. Curses.

Last couple of hours before I'm a legal adult!

Should I go break the law while I can still be tried as a minor and get juvenile justice? =P Haha just joking.

Well, along with the relationship-ness, I guess I'm going to pass another milestone. 2011 is sure a milestone-filled year ^^

Okay, so it's not on fb quite yet, but I suppose it's about time to confess on this blog that I, who believed herself to be chronically undateable, have a boyfriend. Haha how's that for out of nowhere? I was sure I was going to turn 21 without ever having been in a relationship, and then this thing drops from the skies and into my lap =.=" It's a bit of a miracle, really, that I managed to clock this milestone in before I turned 18.

So, now for some stats on the matter:
Name? Andrew/"Angel" (mychonny-style, as in "Hey angel, you da sexy". Lol.)
Age? 1 year and 8 months older than me (trust me, I have heard the "so you like older men, huh?" quip multiple times already. But since you brought it up... yes, yes I do ;P I've always suspected that I had such a penchant and look how things have turned out) 
Since when? April 28th, 2011
Other dates for the diary? Wednesday, 11th May, 2011; Friday, 13th May 2011 

I feel bad that I've been keeping my lips sealed on the recent tumultuous events on my blog, but as you may have noticed from the influx of comments lately, I've been getting rather more traffic than usual. This to me is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because obviously I'm being appreciated here! But a curse because it does put pressure on my to self-censor. Like by writing less girlily, due to my more male readership.
And of course it may be a bit unsavoury to publish relationship details here so errr... refer to chat logs for records ^^ Oh yes, Carina has things to hide now...

;a'ekgslfksfwrkosalfsafjia i'm so screwed 4.5 languages failing coherence declining rapidly what do i do putainmerde why won't my mind work why was that shower so short i washed my hair why isn't my head clear what is this i don't even i have no idea fuck wan dan le ottoke how did it get to this what have i done?!?!